It's Time We're Aware
by RainbowDiamonds
Summary: Even after devising the perfect plan, Kendall still can't find an opportunity to tell James how he really feels during a summer trip. Time is running out. How in the world is he going to get James alone in a place like Disneyland? James/Kendall, slash. This is for the Summer Vacation challenge.


**Author's Note—**Reminder that I don't own these characters and that all credit goes to the creators of "Big Time Rush."

So this is a one-shot for the BTR Plot Adoption Forum's Summer Vacation challenge! Basically we just had to get them away from the Palm Woods for some summer fun. Hope you guys enjoy! Thanks for reading and thanks to the forum for the idea! And of course to those who informed me of the challenge and invited me to take part.

* * *

"You guys, look! The wait's only ten minutes!"

Carlos turned a shocked face to his friends. It was James who responded with matched excitement. "No way!"

"Probably because of the parade going on," Logan mused. He turned to Kendall. "If we're gonna do this ride, now's the time."

Kendall's heart sank. When his three buddies started to jog toward the line, he called out, "You know what? I'm gonna sit this one out."

Carlos and James were too far ahead to hear him, but Logan halted and turned back with a frown. "The Matterhorn? But this is your favorite ride!"

"Yeah, I'm not feeling it today. Probably all the hot dogs I ate. I'll find a bench near the exit to wait for you guys."

Logan was smart enough to sense there was more to the story; he looked away to watch Carlos and James disappear around a curve, then turned back to Kendall, torn.

"Go," Kendall urged. "I'm fine."

"You sure?"

"Positive. I'll be okay after I sit down for a few minutes."

Logan still wasn't convinced, but he nodded. "Okay. See you soon!"

After tossing Logan a thumbs up, Kendall moved to avoid a group of kids running past him with the same joy his buddies had shown.

The same joy _he_ used to show upon something as rare as a short line for the Matterhorn. Suddenly he longed for the days when he'd been able to come to a place like Disneyland and just have fun without all these stupid _feelings_ ruining his life. The last time they'd all come here, they'd been just kids with nothing more to worry about than a long summer stretching out ahead of them in which they'd stay out playing street hockey until dinner, then gather at his house for video game battles until Mom sent everyone home.

It was still true that they spent almost every waking moment together, but now it was because they all lived in the same apartment and had formed a boyband. Along with school, there was never any time for much of a social life. It was finally summer, though, and they were given one week off by their producer Gustavo before they had to be back in rehearsals for their upcoming summer tour.

Kendall's mother had surprised them all with a two-day trip to the Disney resort, which was close enough to The Palm Woods for them to drive to and from, but she'd included a stay at a hotel on the property as well. She and Katie took one room, James and Carlos another, and Kendall and Logan the third. The best part was that she trusted them all to behave now, so while she took Katie to the California park on the first day, the other four got to enjoy their freedom at the Disneyland park with no restrictions and no insistence on spending half their time in line for the "baby rides," as James always called them (usually earning himself a kick in the shin whenever Katie had been close enough to overhear that).

As Kendall searched for an empty bench to wait for his friends, he wondered if he should've convinced Katie to come with them and asked for her help with his scheme; she certainly was sneaky enough to help him pull it off. He would've had to explain his reason for needing time alone with James, though, and while Katie was old enough to understand, that didn't mean she would be okay with it. Kendall himself wasn't sure he was okay with it. But it wasn't something he could change or fight (he'd tried for months), and he'd thought Disneyland would be the perfect place to reveal his feelings to James—it was fun, it had the nostalgia factor, and it boasted numerous romantic spots for just such a conversation as "So I think I'm in love with you and I know it's weird, but if you open your mind to it maybe we can make something of this."

The thought of what James might say to that declaration, the disgust that would possibly overtake his beautiful features, was enough to get Kendall feeling sick for real. A bench opened up just then and he quickly dropped onto one end of it. How had his strategy gone so wrong? He'd planned it out carefully and even included back-ups in case things didn't work out the way they were supposed to (they hadn't) and now the sun was dipping and...

_And then what? Before we know it the fireworks show will be going on and it'll be time to go back to the hotel and my chance is gone. _

Knowing they only had one day at each park, Logan had used his ingenious skills and research of ride times and average wait times to plot out the best course for them to get in the maximum number of rides. He'd drawn up an actual list complete with times they should be at each "station" and so far, they'd been able to stick close to the schedule without any problems (other than a five-minute delay at the bathrooms because Carlos ate too much before Space Mountain and had to rush in and hurl). After studying the itinerary, Kendall had figured out four separate opportunities he'd have to get James alone and make his feelings known, and if all went well they'd be kissing by the time his mother called to direct them back to the hotel. It had seemed like a piece of cake.

The problem was that all of those opportunities had already passed, and Kendall had been unsuccessful each time. Maybe he should've foreseen that James would be too psyched about the rides to sit one out or to even be "accidentally" distracted by the things Kendall attempted to deter him with. James trusted Logan's itinerary and had become a slave to it, making sure they were on time for each station because if they weren't, there'd be hell to pay. Fantasyland had been left for last so that if they were forced to cut something out it wouldn't be anything too exciting, and the Matterhorn was the first stop in that sector.

Which left nothing but the baby rides, and James didn't seem to care for those. How was Kendall supposed to make their first kiss memorable on a ride James thought was lame? The whole point was to have the life-changing talk in a place James would never forget. Stupid James for being too engrossed in having fun to notice that Kendall had something important on his mind. And stupid Carlos for insisting that James sit next to him on every ride so they could share it with Carlos' girlfriend Candy via FaceTalk.

With a groan, Kendall checked the time on his phone and figured he had about eight minutes to come up with one last plan to get James alone. What was left, though? He pinched his copy of the folded itinerary from a pocket (Logan had insisted each of them have their own in case they got separated) and studied it with growing disappointment. James really didn't like any of the rides left on the list; it was Carlos who enjoyed the atmosphere of Fantasyland, and the remaining stops were mostly for his benefit. He liked the Peter Pan ride, and Alice in Wonderland, and of course Mr. Toad's Wild Ride because "you get to go to Hell, guys!" But all of those rides were loud and really not even close to long enough for the kind of discussion Kendall needed to have with James. He wouldn't even be able to get James to what he considered the most romantic place in the park. It wasn't fair!

Frustration mounting, Kendall studied the list again. Maybe...

"Dude! The ride broke down!"

It took Kendall a moment to realize he was being spoken to, and he looked up to find James coming to a halt in front of him while Carlos followed, of course chattering away to his phone. Logan approached more slowly, looking annoyed, which made sense since the Matterhorn was one of his favorite rides. "Seriously?"

"Yeah, we were almost there!" James complained. "What the hell, man?"

"Wow." With a glance at Logan, Kendall added, "I'm sorry."

"Not your fault," Logan shrugged.

"Now what?" Carlos wanted to know, shifting his phone so that Candy could see the others and "feel like she was there." "How much extra time do we have?"

"Uh..." Kendall compared the time against the itinerary. "About seven minutes?"

"That's not enough time to do anything," James whined.

Carlos suddenly gasped. "Guys, look! Frozen banana cart! We can do that in seven minutes, right?!"

"Hell yeah, we can," James grinned. "Come on!"

Kendall needed more time to think. "I can't eat anything else. I'll just wait here."

Logan surprised him by sinking down next to him. "Go ahead, guys."

James dismissed them with a quick "whatever" before running off after Carlos.

"I don't know how they eat so much," Kendall mused. "I mean, we stuff our faces plenty but those two are like bottomless pits."

"High metabolism," Logan commented absently before shifting his focus to the paper Kendall was holding. "Figure it out yet?"

"What?"

"How you're going to get him alone."

Kendall's lips moved but no sound came out.

With a quirk of his own lips, Logan smiled up at Kendall. "That's what you've been trying to do all day, right?"

"I...what?"

"Kendall, it's me you're talking to. It took me awhile to figure out what was wrong, because we're at Disneyland and you're not having very much fun, but it finally clicked when you tried to get James on the Monorail with you instead of Space Mountain. I mean...the _Monorail_?"

"Ugh," Kendall groaned, his head falling back. "I was desperate. And he's so clueless."

"Okay, but you tried to get him away from Space Mountain. That was never going to happen."

"I know, I know, okay? I'm running out of time, though! That was my last chance. And...I just..."

Logan cocked his head to study Kendall's face, which currently looked hopeless. "I wasn't sure until now _why_ exactly you needed to talk to him. But I think my suspicion is correct. How did I miss it before?"

"Logan—"

"Don't deny it, I'm not judging you. Mostly I'm disappointed in myself for not picking up on the fact that you have feelings for him."

"Don't be," Kendall sighed. "I kept it hidden. And I expect you to do the same! I need the news to come from me, not anyone else."

"It's fine, I'm not gonna go telling anyone."

"Thank you."

"You should've just told me in the first place, then I could've set up the itinerary in a way that would help you."

"Well, it's too late now. We have less than an hour and all that's left is baby rides and...I wanted it to be special, you know?"

"I'm sorry. But maybe that can work in your favor."

"How?"

"Give me that." Logan reached for the list and studied it, face scrunching up in concentration. "James doesn't care about any of the rides left."

"I know."

Logan rolled his eyes at Kendall's glum tone. "You're missing the point. If he doesn't care about the rides, it's easier to convince him to go somewhere else with you."

Kendall suddenly sat up straighter, eyes wide. "Oh my god. You're right."

"So...we just need something close that gives you enough time to actually have the conversation. Because I'm assuming that's what's happening here? You're telling him how you feel?"

"That was the plan. Obviously I suck at it."

"You're just not thinking clearly because you're letting your emotions get in the way. If this was a plan to help me tell Carlos, for example, you'd have figured it out in two seconds. Because your brain would be doing the work, not your heart."

"I guess," Kendall sighed. "So...is there hope?"

"Give me a second."

Kendall tried to wait patiently, but time was running out and it was making him anxious. He saw that Carlos and James were almost up to the cart now, just two people ahead of them in line.

"Okay, so I know how you're going do this, but you're not gonna like it."

"What?" Attention back on Logan, Kendall's brows drew together. "What does that mean?"

"It's not going to be easy to convince him, and it's not really the kind of place you had in mind for a talk like this, I'm sure. But it's long enough that you can get the words out, and I can guarantee Carlos won't try to tag along."

"Why wouldn't he? He loves all the rides left on the itinerary."

"This ride isn't _on_ the itinerary." Logan pulled out and unfolded the map they'd each been handed upon entry to the park. "I left it out because it's the ride Carlos hates most."

Logan's finger landed on the spot at the same time Kendall gasped when it clicked. "The small world ride. The stupid small world ride! He hates it because the song gets stuck in his head for days!"

"Bingo."

"Dude! You're the best!"

Kendall almost knocked Logan over with a hug; he braced himself with one hand on the bench and chuckled as Kendall pulled back. "You're welcome. I'll just have to suffer Peter Pan alone with Carlos and _Candy_."

The name was said with such derision that Kendall lifted a brow. "You don't like her?"

"She's just...always around. And when she's not, Carlos isn't. This was supposed to be our trip, you know? The boys. I feel like we never see him anymore, and when we do it's..."

"Different," Kendall nodded. "Because she's there."

"Yeah. And you know how he tries to impress her so he acts all stupid and...I just...I know it sounds dumb, but...I miss Carlos."

Kendall had been too wrapped up in James lately to really notice. Logan wasn't wrong, though. Even now Carlos was turning his phone toward James so Candy could watch him devour a frozen banana. Which...

Kendall swallowed hard, looking away with a flushed face. It shouldn't arouse him so much to watch his friend stick something into his mouth. "I get it," he said now to Logan. "I know things have changed. We came back here to relive one of the best times we ever had together, and instead I spent it sad over James, and Carlos spent it on the phone with some girl."

"And I spent it annoyed with him. Looks like James is the only one who still knows how to enjoy Disneyland properly."

The other two turned to begin the walk back toward the bench, taking it slow since they had food to savor. "Logan...should I do this? What if I ruin Disneyland for him? I mean, what are the odds he's going to feel the same way? He might even hate me after I tell him, and that's gonna ruin the whole trip."

"The trip's half over anyway, we just have tomorrow. And he won't hate you. It might weird him out, but he won't hate you. He'll just need time to accept it and get past it. And...not to discourage you or anything, but it's going to change the way he sees you. Your friendship won't ever be the same again."

"I know," Kendall managed, his chest tightening as tears started to choke him up. He refused to let them surface, gaze following James and admiring the grace in that tall, lean body. "I'm so scared. Maybe I shouldn't say anything."

"You have to. If you don't, it's just going to drive you crazy."

"If I do, it's going to kill what we have."

"Not necessarily. James can be immature, but I think if he sees how deeply you actually care, he'll be cool about it. Trust him, Kendall."

James chose that moment to meet his gaze. Kendall watched a pink tongue come out to lick chocolate off James' lips, then James offered him a sweet smile. It reminded Kendall of the first day they'd ever spoken, when Kendall had finally gotten past James' "tough guy" act on the playground and convinced him to join them on the monkey bars. James had smiled at him the same way that day, as if in awe that Kendall might actually want to be around him. He braced himself and nodded. "Okay. Okay, I'm gonna do this."

"That's the spirit."

Kendall stood up and turned to face Logan, his back to the other two (and of course the ever-present Candy). "And tomorrow, I'm gonna return the favor."

"What favor?" Logan frowned.

"Tomorrow, we'll figure out how to get you alone with Carlos so you can do the same thing. Without Candy listening in."

"What?! Kendall, no, it's not like that! It's...it's..."

Kendall smirked. "Don't try to fight it, Logan. I spent months doing that and guess what? It doesn't work. Just accept that your feelings might be more than friendship. We'll talk more when we get to the room tonight."

"He has a _girlfriend_, Kendall. He's obviously not interested in me."

"James dates twenty girls a month, Logan. That's not stopping me."

By that time the other two were within speaking distance; Logan shifted gears and grinned at James. "You drew the short straw."

James pulled his mouth off the banana, which he'd been sucking in an almost-indecent manner (or maybe that was just Kendall's mind going to the gutter again), and asked, "What are you talking about?"

"Kendall's insisting on breaking the itinerary for the small world ride and he doesn't want to go alone. I said 'Not it.'"

James stared at Kendall in horror. "You're insane."

Kendall held his ground. "I have my reasons."

"Well, your reasons are dumb. Why can't Carlos go? He didn't say 'Not it'."

"Not it!" Carlos suddenly yelled before returning to his call. "Candy, my phone is dying. I know, I'm sorry, I don't want to hang up either but I can't help it! We should be back at the hotel in like an hour and I can call you then! Okay! Bye!"

Logan's mouth dropped open slightly as if Christmas had come early.

"Did I hear that right?" Carlos questioned. "Kendall, you seriously want to go on the most annoying ride in history?"

"Yes, and we're running out of time. James?"

Through the last bite of his frozen banana, James asked, "What am I giving up for this?"

"Nothing you care about," Logan promised. He let James study the itinerary for a second. "See?"

"Oh my god, Kendall. You owe me!"

"I'll buy you dinner tomorrow at the Mexican restaurant you want to try." Kendall started pulling James along by the arm but looked back at the other two. "Meet at the castle for fireworks?"

"We'll be there," Logan smiled, then mouthed "Good luck."

"Dessert, too," James demanded, freeing his arm from Kendall's grip. "You owe me dessert."

"Anything you want. Just...indulge me for ten minutes."

James groaned, but kept pace with Kendall on the walk toward the huge white structure housing puppets that sang the same song in a variety of languages. Yes, the song would be stuck in their heads for days, but Kendall prayed that when they looked back on this moment in the future, there'd be something more exciting to remember than singing puppets.

* * *

By the time they reached the ride, James' demeanor had changed—the annoyance was gone, there was no hint of the sarcastic snark he wore like armor, and he considerately halted at the entrance to gesture for Kendall to go first. Sometimes James could be such a jerk, and in those moments Kendall would stop to wonder why he was so enamored by the vain, fame-hungry young man he'd grown up with.

"Cold?" James asked now, resting a hand at the small of Kendall's back as they moved quickly between the chains that represented line formations. "You can wear my jacket if you want."

And _this _was why Kendall was so enamored. When they were alone, James became the kindest, most selfless and caring person Kendall had ever met. Around the others he occasionally showed a side of himself that was protective and brave, but with just Kendall he was absolutely...beautiful. Inside and out. Kendall smiled at him. "There's not really a line, so we should be inside soon. But thanks."

"Okay. If you change your mind, let me know."

Kendall merely nodded, glad they'd come to this ride while the parade was going on; usually the wait seemed to be filled with screaming kids anxious to see the little multicultural puppets sing. They weren't lucky enough to get an entire boat to themselves, but they did snag the last row on one that was only occupied by another couple way up front. Once the boat started moving, Kendall glanced back to see who might be behind them and if they were in danger of recognition—couldn't risk kissing James in front of anyone who would out them. He thought they were safe, though, and turned to face the front again while shifting a little closer to James.

The annoying earworm of a song was already loud and obnoxious, making it difficult for Kendall to get his thoughts in order.

"_It's a world of laughter, a world of tears..."_

At least James couldn't jump out of the boat to escape him, right? Even if things went horribly, he'd be forced to endure the ride with Kendall.

"_It's a world of hope and a world of fears..."_

James leaned closer to speak. "So...is this some nostalgia thing? Are you sad because Katie's growing up so fast and this ride reminds you of when she was tiny and sweet? Because I get it."

"_There's so much that we share, that it's time we're aware..."_

Yes. Yes, that was exactly it. They'd shared so much since the moment they met, been close in a way even Logan and Carlos couldn't understand because he and James were on a different level. "It's time we're aware," he whispered.

"What?"

Kendall suddenly turned sideways on the boat's bench and blurted, "I think I'm in love with you."

James' face went through a myriad of emotions: shock was quickly followed by disbelief, then a questioning gaze stared back at Kendall. When Kendall shrugged helplessly, his own face in agony waiting for a reaction, James rolled his eyes and let out a sigh. "Okay, but...you chose this place to tell me? I've waited five years to hear this and out of all the places you could have told me, you do it here when there's a million things going on and the guys are around and I can't properly react to that news?"

Kendall blinked repeatedly, searching for something to say. What came out was, "The guys aren't around. I got you alone."

"I just meant Disneyland in general. You really should've taken me out somewhere alone, like...dinner or maybe...I mean, at least somewhere in the park that's romantic and we could be alone."

"I've been trying to do that all day!" Kendall exploded, ignoring the curious looks from the couple at the front of the boat. "Every single time I tried to get you alone, you said something like 'No, Carlos wants me to sit with him on the Haunted Mansion.' It's like you were purposely avoiding being alone with me."

"Well, duh." After glaring at the couple, which was enough to have them minding their own business again, James returned his attention to Kendall. "I hate being alone with you."

"What?! Why?"

"Because it's really hard to hide my feelings when we're alone. I'm afraid you'll see through me, and know that what I really want is to be alone with you all the time. It just makes me fall harder, and...a place like this? It would be too easy to let myself get lost in the idea that you feel the same way."

"Well...I do."

"I'm aware of that now. But before..." James shook his head, looking away. "It's really hard being in love with your best friend and watching him date other people when all you want is for him to see you as someone he'd want to...you know."

"Yes, I do know. I know exactly how you feel. All you ever do is go out on dates with girls. Why would you do that if you're into me? And did you say _five years_?"

"Yeah," James shrugged, as if it was completely natural behavior to hide your feelings from your friend for so long. "I knew when I was twelve I wanted you. Like _that_."

"Then why do you date so many girls?"

"Because I'm looking for the one that will make me forget about you. I keep hoping one of them will be so amazing that I can move on and stop wishing you loved me. I never find her."

The romantic part of Kendall's heart that he tried to keep hidden most of the time melted. He wanted to touch James but didn't dare; weren't there people monitoring the rides? Maybe he hadn't thought this through properly. "But why girls? That's what I don't understand. If you're into dudes—"

"I'm not."

That made no sense at all. "But—"

"I'm not into dudes, Kendall," James reiterated. "Apparently I'm just into _you_."

Wow. If that didn't deserve a first kiss to follow...

Kendall screwed up all his courage and asked, "Can I kiss you?"

For the first time since they'd taken off together, James looked as scared as Kendall felt. "Look. Two things before we cross that line." Kendall waited patiently for James to continue, trying to block out the ridiculous song that was now being piped over the speakers in Japanese. "If you kiss me, it better be for real. No 'Let's just try this' because I don't want to be your guinea pig and if it doesn't work, I have to live with the memory of what it feels like to kiss you for the rest of my life. If that's how it's gonna be, I'd rather just not know how amazing it is." James dropped his gaze for a second before it blazed up into Kendall's again. "I don't think I could survive without it once I know."

Kendall could barely breathe; James' intensity had always stolen his breath away, and how had he not realized what that meant until a few months ago? "Okay. It's for real."

"Good. So we're on the same page then. You're not just some girl I'm using as a distraction. If you're mine, you're_ mine_."

_Just never stop looking at me like that and I'm whatever you need me to be._ "Got it. What's the second thing?"

Now the intensity broke apart to be replaced with a smirk. "When you ask, it kind of ruins it. I love the aggressive side of you, the side that just goes after what you want and takes it. You want to kiss me? Kiss me."

Holy shit, Kendall had never wanted anything more. The problem was that now that it was finally time, he didn't think he'd be able to stop at just a kiss, or that the kiss would be appropriate for a ride like this. "You know...when I planned out our first kiss, this wasn't what I had in mind."

James busted up into laughter. "No, I'm sure you had some grand romantic gesture planned, because that's just how you are."

"Is that a problem?"

The amused twinkle in James' eyes told Kendall it wasn't, but he answered, "Depends. What you got in mind?"

Kendall looked ahead to see the ride was thankfully almost done. "Hold that thought. We're gonna go with my original plan."

"But we're supposed to be at the castle in time for fireworks. You know Logan's gonna have a fit if we're not."

"Don't worry about Logan," Kendall smirked. "He'll be fine. And besides, we're not gonna break our promise. We will be at the castle in time for fireworks." Impatiently he added, "If this ride ever ends."

Eventually it did, and Kendall hopped out of the boat in order to bow down with a hand held out to James. "Allow me to escort you to the castle, my fair prince."

"Oh my god, you are so lame," James giggled. He let Kendall help him out, surprised when Kendall didn't release the grip and instead used it to drag James after him in a jog. They'd made it as far as the entrance to Sleeping Beauty's Castle when James pulled on Kendall's hand to stop him.

"Uh...I may be in love with a guy, but fairy tales aren't really my thing."

"We're not here for the attraction," Kendall assured him. "At least...not _that _kind of attraction."

Impressed, James nodded. "Well then, lead on, my faithful servant."

Kendall did. They quickly bypassed the various displays and windows that peeked in on the story of Sleeping Beauty. It should be around here somewhere, at the top of the last set of steps; Kendall just needed to find the right door. Why were there so many marked "Staff Only"?

"What are you looking for?" James wondered.

"A door."

"To where?"

"The tallest spire. With the windows. I read that there's a staircase the workers use to access it when they need to."

"A...spire? We can't go up there, Kendall."

With a sneaky grin, Kendall replied, "Watch me."

Here was a side of Kendall that never failed to get James hot. Without a word of protest, he followed after Kendall opened the correct door with a victorious cry. Seriously, how did the staff not lock this stuff?

About halfway up the tall tower, they stepped off the staircase and onto a platform to look out of a window that faced Main Street. The entire front half of the park was visible to them from high above, a million lights seeming to glow around not just Disneyland but the surrounding landscape as well.

"This is so cool," James whispered in awe.

"Wow." It was better than Kendall had imagined. "Now _this _is a place to have a first kiss."

James' face lit up with a smile. He turned Kendall so that they were facing each other, and there was no hesitation. Lips crashed together while hands explored the planes of each others' backs, and for a time neither was aware that fireworks were exploding around them. Everything was muted by the power of their kiss so that when a particularly loud boom sounded, they jumped in surprise. James' mouth fell open. "Nicely planned, Knight."

"That wasn't even part of my plan," Kendall laughed. "But I kind of wish I'd thought of it. Nobody can top this, James. Our first kiss is a legend in the history of romance."

James couldn't disagree. Pulling Kendall back against him as they stared out at the brightly-lit sky, he said, "You know, romance isn't so bad after all. I think I can live with it in my life."

_Good thing_, Kendall thought. Because he had enough of it in him to last James a lifetime.

* * *

**Author's Note—**I made up the door/entry area to the spire. It probably doesn't really exist, but it worked for the plot. :)


End file.
